Death on Sale! Act Now!

A Message from the Tax Attorneys at Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe.

This shopping season why not give your loved ones what they really want. . . your vast accumulated riches! Yes, that’s right, by taking advantage of an obscure loophole in the present tax system,  upon your death, you may hand over your entire estate to your wife, your secret mistress, your beloved pet, and your hard working foreign sounding groundskeeper without paying a dime in taxes to Uncle Sam! Talk about a Black Friday!

Yes, you heard right folks, your entire palatial mansion, including your climate controlled garage full of collector cars, your barn full of thoroughbred horses, your yacht, your dogfighting ring,  your collection of weird stamps, even your collection of midgets named Lupe. But you must act, (by that we mean die) fast. Once this strange law expires at midnight on the last day of 2010, fifty-five percent of all your wealth over one million dollars WILL go the the government, where it will be spent on programs teaching inner city youths how to cultivate vegetable gardens.  If you don’t take advantage of these tremendous savings, we guarantee you’ll be kicking yourself (if you have legs). But if you do take advantage of this incredible sale, rest assured, you’ll be laughing all the way to the crematorium.

We’ve done our homework, folks, our research of death among wealthy people shows that there are thirty seven thousand millionaires that are estimated to die towards the end of this year, who stand to save millions of dollars if they die before the new year. If you’re one of those lucky few  for which the blackness of grim death is fast approaching, (or even if you’re just a ‘concerned’ family member) we encourage you to call right away.

Now some people say that this reduction in taxes will cost the country a lot of money, but hey, what do they know? With the money you save, little Jimmy can get that Ferrari 458 Italia to help comfort him through his period of mourning. Your newly widowed wife can get those designer purses she’s been eyeing. And trust us, with all the extra cash she’ll have, it’ll sure help to have somewhere to keep it! But remember, you must act now!

Call now, hospice nurses and hitmen are standing by.